Quoth the raven

The eyes

2011-10-27T06:11:00.000-07:00

I stand still and tall thinking of you,

Looking back down the path I once trod.

Darkness one way light the other.

The shadows dance from the walls,

enticing me to join with them.

Tune upon tragedy drifts through my mind,

fragments of a time never to return taunting me.

The eyes, the eyes, all the eyes,

staring at me from their facial nests.

And through all this chaos my thoughts turn to you.

Raven

2011-09-20T13:24:00.000-07:00

A raven sits upon my shoulder.

He speaks words I never wished to hear.

Blurring the edges of my reality

with his beady eye transfixed on mine.

A canny bird twisting my truths

till they are no longer mine.

Shake and struggle will not free me

of my winged adversary.

However, now and again, he will leave me to roost,

while I recover.

Suddenly a shadow looms over me, claws dig into me.

Once more I am forsaken.

World

2011-08-07T03:53:00.000-07:00

The day the world fell out of my mouth started like any other

The birds sang and the bees buzzed

But all of a sudden something wasn't right

The ripping pain the twisting moves

The sudden need to loose it all

Who could have foretold this sorry affair

- not I that's for sure.

noise

2011-07-16T05:05:00.000-07:00

Noise and colour intertwine

fighting for my weried attention

a shadow darts by like a a frightened hare

my pulse follows

hours come and hours hours go

the minutes add up to days

technicoulour sprawling spray

surround every shape

tune upon tune upon tune

the repetition on maddens me

til..............

pain rips right through it all

tearing the the colourful concert to shreds

eyes

2011-07-16T04:45:00.000-07:00

Eyes stretched wide aside

movement marks time gone by

overgrown with birds and flies

dashing hare darts through

disrupting the silence and solitude

Forbidden facebook status - a work in progress

2010-02-27T12:51:00.000-08:00

Nadia is withholding a great truth
Nadia knows you can't handle the truth
Nadia is wondering if you actually care what her status is
Nadia can see through space and time
Nadia knows she is wasting her life with this crap
Nadia knows the true secret of happiness
Nadia worries enough for us all
Nadia - we can work it out
Nadia takes a million photos with her eyes a day
Nadia, always a little misunderstood
Nadia loves the fine line between dream and reality
Nadia, where pain and resistance meet
Nadia loves the beauty of the sea and the sky

Architects of apathy - by me

2009-12-17T12:48:00.000-08:00

Architects of apathy.
Architects of apathy design the synapses of my mind
I look across to check you finished what you said
Forcing every cell against its will I muster a response
Bothersome lights flicker and fight my attention
Too tired to sleep, too awake to dream I coast
Surfing reality ridge mountains through time
Stopping only to remind you I am here.

Highs - by me

2009-12-17T07:37:00.000-08:00

Highs
Happy hard cased high jinx thrills
Snappy sentences jumping out
Overspilling with reasons and resource
All routes cleared for take off
The truth attainable with one neat leap
Only a body to hold me back
A thousand thoughts to make one sense
The universe unfolds just as it should
Harmony enfolds me and rushes through my veins
Bittersweet knowledge that this cannot last toys with me
The peace runs into anxiety, twitching at my brain
Jumps the happy harmony and brings me down again.

Nilsson Blues - by me

2009-12-13T01:48:00.000-08:00

Nilsson Blues
Harry Nilsson playing - without her
Only this morning mimics my sorrow
Sitting beside me now she is a stranger
The large leap gap ever widens
Leaving me love lost, and undone
Wariness, and weariness of unspoken hurts
Memories jostle for highs and lows
Like the ultimate drug I cannot forgo a fix
Chasing the comfort of my one true love.

Pain clinic homework

2009-12-04T09:36:00.000-08:00

I got given homework today from pain clinic and it is making me think. Which actors/actresses would play my life story to show my life as a whole.
Kind of got me thinking so far only come up with Johnny Depp in his Burton roles to represent my oddness, quietness, attention to detail and gentle sides eg: Edward scissor hands, the sleepy hollow detective - Ichabod Chrane, then wronged and darkly depressed as Sweeny Todd.
I think also I would like to be played by Edward Norton as he looks much straighter always than he is and has a deep wild side within him as in fight club where he continuously fought with himself in a split personality role. And more recently where he played Walter Fane in the Painted Veil (Somerset Maughan), within this he played a dedicated loving, but dull husband whose wife chose to have affairs not knowing all along what kind of man it was she was married to unit it was too late. He showed a relentless dedication to his job and his marriage despite the adversity around him. I carry on too despite what is thrown at me and try to keep the clean respectable look.

Freefalling -by me

2009-12-01T10:54:00.000-08:00

Freefalling.
I live in a fixed fucked state of reality
My heart sits pavement low
The bright city lights burn my corneas
The kaleidoscopic flashing intoxicating me
Fragments of their conversations filter through
Permanent distance opens between wakefulness and dreams
A smog of bright lights and sound
Glimpses of the way back are few and far between
Like passages in a long forgotten wood
For now a forever free fall of colour and noise.

Minds eye - by me

2009-11-10T11:06:00.000-08:00

My mind is like a washed up eel,
Releasing bolts of violent charge,
His once bright eye turning opaque in the baking sun.

November afternoon - by me

2009-11-10T10:50:00.000-08:00

My body lies heavily beached upon the bed
Waves of thought break at the back of my head
Trapped within my messing mind
Words created go unsaid
Seas of blue ripple past the floor
Time measured by beeps and clicks
Weariness mixes with afternoon dullness
Churning guts more chemical than food
Reality moves an inch
Calm at last the monster sleeps.

Freedom - a poem by me

2009-10-28T23:35:00.000-07:00

The running
The field
The earth
The corn
The freshness
The leaping
The singing
The startling
The bounding
The freedom
The ears
The tasting
The laying
The rest
The gazing
The scare
The interruption
The violence
The men
The fleeing
The stumble
The hiding
The breathlessness
The house
The safety.

Invictus

2009-09-16T04:03:00.000-07:00

I stumbled on this poem a few months back in the middle of the night when I needed it the most and I see it as fate sent.
Invictus translates from the Latin as unconquerable, or undefeated. On days where it is hard to go this poem gives me enormous strength, I need reminding I am the master of my fate and the captain of my soul.

Invictus

by William Ernest Henley; 1849-1903

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate;
I am the captain of my soul.

Sarah Teasdale (1884-1933)

2009-09-04T13:01:00.001-07:00

Sarah Teasdale is an amazingly articulate and deep poet. Many of her poems are sad and dark, many speak of lost love and years of pain (both physical and emotional). I adore many of them "at midnight" below is my favourite. She sadly committed suicide with sleeping pills in the end. My dad introduced me to her through his e mail poem of the week.

At Midnight
by Sarah Teasdale

Now at last I have come to see what life is,
Nothing is ever ended, everything only begun,
And the brave victories that seem so splendid
Are never really won.
Even love that I built my spirit's house for,
Comes like a brooding and a baffled guest,
And music and men's praise and even laughter
Are not so good as rest.
by Sarah Teasdale

May Wind

I said, "I have shut my heart
As one shuts an open door,
That Love may starve therein
And trouble me no more."

But over the roofs there came
The wet new wind of May,
And a tune blew up from the curb
Where the street-pianos play.

My room was white with the sun
And Love cried out in me,
"I am strong, I will break your heart
Unless you set me free."
by Sarah Teasdale

Dreams

2009-08-19T14:39:00.000-07:00

This beach boys song has struck such a deep chord with me as long as I can remember. So many of their songs are about the unattainable happy calm life. Perhaps it doesn't really exist but Brian Wilson and I were on the same wavelength here.

Disney Girls by the Beach boys.

Clearing skies and drying eyes
Now I see your smile
Darkness goes and softness shows
A changing style
Just in time words that rhyme
Well bless your soul
Now I'll fill your hands
With kisses and a Tootsie Roll
Oh reality, it's not for me
And it makes me laugh
Oh, fantasy world and Disney girls
I'm coming back
Patti Page and summer days
On old Cape Cod
Happy times making wine
In my garage
Country shade and lemonade
Guess I'm slowing down
It's a turned back world
With a local girl
In a smaller town
Open cars and clearer stars
That's what I've lacked
But fantasy world and Disney girls
I'm coming back
Love...Hi Rick and Dave
Hi Pop...Well good morning mom
Love...get up guess what
I'm in love with a girl I found
She's really swell
Cause she likes
Church, bingo chances and old time dances
All my life I spent the night
With dreams of you
And the warmth I missed
And for the things I wished
They're all coming true
I've got my love to give
And a place to live
Guess I'm gonna stay
It'd be a peaceful life
With a forever wife
And a kid someday
Well, it's early nights
And pillow fights
And your soft laugh
Fantasy world and Disney girls
I'm coming back

Charles Bukowski

2009-08-11T09:36:00.000-07:00

Well I am new to blogging but having seen how good a job my friend Marcel makes of it, it is seems like a good place to put thoughts without so much paper.

It's Ours by Charles Bukowski

there is always that space there just before they get to us
that space that fine relaxer
the breather while say flopping on a bed thinking of nothing
or say pouring a glass of water from the spigot while entranced by nothing
that gentle pure space
it's worth centuries of existence
say just to scratch your neck while looking out the window at a bare branch
that space there before they get to us ensures that when they do they won't get it all ever.

NL